


Can I Stay

by thirdsister



Series: The Closest Thing To Home [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Endgame, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Personal Growth, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pregnancy, Self-Acceptance, The big celestial road trip to kill thanos, spaceship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-19 03:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17593961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirdsister/pseuds/thirdsister
Summary: On the way to find Thanos and resuscitate their fallen friends, Steve and Natasha got some unexpected news. They're going to be parents... if they survive.Natasha gives some encouragement to an old friend.We explore the beginnings of Steve and Natasha's relationship in flashback.It's a time for reconciliation as our team prepares to enter the final battle with unburdened hearts.





	1. Boy

“Carol and Valkyrie, how long has that been going on?” Steve kept his voice low, they were in the ship’s common area after all.

“I’m not sure. It’s not really a surprise though.” Natasha Shrugged.

“Nah. Vision and Wanda, _that_ was a surprise.” He chuckled.

“It was, but we love who we love.” She smiled remembering the way Wanda had been unable to meet her gaze when she first confessed she had feelings for Vision. She had relished the two months following the revelation where she had helped Wanda arrange to meet Vision in secret before they decided Steve needed to know. She felt like she was helping her little sister sneak out of the house to meet a boy. Steve was baffled by the news, but he was supportive even if he didn’t quite understand. It was one of the many thing Natasha loved about him. 

They turned their heads in the direction of the soft footsteps heralding the arrival of one of their shipmates. “Hey, Nat. Steve.” Bruce said, giving them a self-conscious wave. He could tell by their body language – standing no more than a few inches apart, Cap’s hand resting lightly on Natasha’s hip – that he was interrupting something. 

“Hey, Bruce,” Steve nodded, “I’ll see you later, Nat.” Steve wanted no part of the big conversation Bruce and Natasha had been avoiding since his reappearance in their lives. He was glad to have his friend back, he was, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him a little uneasy. Years ago, he had told Bruce not to wait, to take a chance on a romance with Natasha. He'd hated it. He still remembered feeling his heart sink when he saw them flirting across the bar at Tony’s party. _God, I’m such an idiot,_ he’d thought. So he’d swallowed his pride and told Bruce to go for it. It had seemed like the right thing to do. He wanted Natasha to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. But now, everything was different. Steve and Natasha’s relationship status might have been a little amorphous, but he knew how they felt about each other and their soon-to-be baby. 

“Is there something you wanted to talk about, Bruce?”

“Yeah,” he stepped more fully into the space, “I feel like I owe you an apology”

Nat grimaced. She wasn’t sure if the sudden wave of nausea was caused by the pregnancy or how much she was dreading this conversation. “It’s fine, Bruce, it’s been a long time.”

“I just want you to know, me leaving, it wasn’t about you and it wasn’t because I didn’t- I mean” He rubbed his forehead nervously, “Anyway, I’m sorry if I made you think I didn’t care. I thought I was making the best choice for everyone, but I get that I left the team when you guys might have needed me.”  
“Thank you for apologizing. I understand that you had your own stuff to work through, you and the other guy. It did hurt, I told you something extremely personal and you bailed on me-“

“-Oh, Nat, no, that’s not at all what I-“ He interrupted

She held up her hand, “-I get that it’s not what you meant to do, but that’s how it felt for me. It’s ok, Bruce, I forgive you. I got past it and I’m good, so stop beating yourself up.”

He gave a sad half-smile as his gaze dropped to his feet. “I’m glad you’re happy, Nat. You deserve it.”

“Thanks, Bruce, I am. You deserve some happy too.”

“Maybe” He shrugged.

“Definitely. Can I give you some advice?" "Yeah, if you want to. I mean, I trust your opinion." "I know what it’s like to compartmentalize and shut off parts of my personality to survive. But that’s a bad way to live. We need you in fight that’s coming. We need brilliant Bruce Banner just as much as we need the the Hulk. And since separating Bruce and the Hulk hasn’t been working lately, maybe you need a different approach. I think you need to accept that the Hulk is part of you. I know it’s something you didn’t want and you didn’t ask for, but it’s part of you anyway. And it doesn’t make you a monster. Try accepting yourself and see where that gets you.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “It’s easier said than done, I know.”

“That’s definitely a big ask. I’ll think about it. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Bruce.”

“How long have you and Steve been… you and Steve?”

“I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking?” How long they’d been a close team? How long they’d been in love? Was he asking about when they’d had their first kiss? Or maybe how long they’d been sleeping together? Each of those questions had a different answer. The only thing those questions had in common was that they were nobody’s business. 

He shook his head and gave an uncomfortable laugh, “You two are together, right?”

“Yeah. We are.” She smiled.

“So, how long has that been going on?”

She pursed her lips together as she thought for a moment. “I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

“I didn’t take you for an Austen fan.”

“What, you were expecting Tolstoy? I have a wide knowledge base.”

He grinned, “That you do, Nat. Well, anyway… I’m glad you found someone who treats you well.”

“Thanks, Bruce. I’m glad you’re back.” She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaving to find Steve. 

Alone in the common area, Bruce gave a heavy sigh. He’d had a feeling all those years ago when Cap had told him not to wait. He’d brushed it off at the time. In retrospect, it was obvious. And they were both so content with each other. They weren’t flaunting it, but anyone near them could see. Like most things, love looked good on Nat. She had this subtle luminescence, like she’d swallowed a star.

He knew she was probably right about accepting… the other guy. She understood better than most. Her history had quite the body count, but she wasn’t running from it. She’d found a way to make a life, to stare down the demons inside of her and not blink. Maybe it was time for him to let some of the guilt go. It certainly wasn’t doing him any good. When he'd bolted he had left a sea of destruction in his wake. It was a crappy, selfish thing to do but… but even if it was a mistake, some good things came out of it. Natasha and Steve, for one. And if he hadn’t been on Sakaar all that time, he wouldn’t have been able to help Thor and Valkyrie when they needed him. Saving the entire population of Asgard was a hard win to discount. And even as the Hulk, he’d made a friend. If Nat and Steve could make it work, perhaps there was hope for Bruce Banner after all. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he trudged through the hallway. Maybe he could find Tony and make himself useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended for all the works in this series to be one shots, but this one was getting out of hand so I've cut it into 3. 
> 
> We'll be exploring how Natasha and Steve got together in the next chapter. I'll be updating the tags as I add the last 2 chapters as well. 
> 
> Title notes - ["Can I Stay"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzlIGQtcfEg) and ["Boy"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy4dGC8YsyA) are songs by Ira Wolf. 
> 
> This will be the only chapter where past Bruce/Nat "will they won't they" is mentioned. I love Bruce Banner, (especially his characterization in Ragnarok) I just didn't love him with Natasha romantically. I look forward to exploring his friendship with Valkyrie a bit in the following chapters because I found it so delightful in the movie.


	2. Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sam, what do the scans say?”
> 
> “Yeah, looks like there’s something small moving on the 2nd floor, east side. But Steve you can’t-“
> 
> “Rogers, no. There isn’t time!”
> 
> But he was off. The building was unstable. She’d told him. She told him not to go back in, but he didn’t listen. He never did. That was Steve Rogers, charging full tilt into a crumbling building to rescue a cat. She was still screaming into the coms for him to get out of there when it all collapsed.

Natasha wandered down the vibrantly colored hallways. She would have expected the interior of a spacecraft to be barren and metallic, but that wasn’t how Carol Danvers had chosen to live. The walls were covered in bright pigments, monochromatic panels which gave way to the occasional hand-painted mural. Carol had encouraged anyone who was so inclined to add art to the ship’s walls when their journey began 2 weeks prior. So far, no one but Nebula had taken her up on the offer. 

Rounding a corner too quickly, Natasha narrowly avoided colliding with both Nebula and her artwork. It was breath-taking. A life size portrait of a green skinned warrior brandishing sword. 

“I love her boots,” Natasha gestured at the mural.

“My sister had good taste in accessories, if nothing else.”

Nat smiled at the grudging warmth that had snuck into Nebula’s usually icy voice. “Gamora, right?”

“Yeah.”

To say their relationship was complicated would be a gross understatement. Their father had forced them to compete in combat as children and Gamora won. Each and every time. The punishment for losing had been severe and Nebula had wasted years blaming her sister for it. Some time, and a few attempted murders, later they had reconciled. They both realized you have to love someone intensely to hate them that fiercely. Gamora had risked the fate of entire universe to spare her sister from pain. It was debt Nebula could never repay and one she would carry until the day she died. Letting her sister live on in the halls of a warrior's spacecraft seemed fitting. At least it was something to do with her hands.

“Well, if she’s half as formidable as she looks, I hope I get to meet her.”

“I wouldn’t count on it. She died before the snap.” There was a lengthy pause. “It was my fault.”

“Did you kill her yourself?” Natasha asked. She knew the answer was no. She’d been filled in on most of the details, but it was important for Nebula to say it aloud.

“No, but if I hadn’t-“

As Natasha cut her off, she dropped her gaze, making a show of looking for another paintbrush. It wasn't a complete act, she did need a different brush to add the delicate silver designs to her sister's face. It was moments like these that she was grateful for mechanized memory. She could pull up countless images of Gamora to make sure she had the details right. It was both a blessing and a curse that she was incapable of forgetting her sister's face.

“Then you’re not responsible. We both know who is. Here.” She handed Nebula the fine-tipped brush she was looking for. She nodded her thanks and Nat continued on her way. 

She found Steve in his bunk, sketchpad in hand, brow knitted in concentration. She hated to disturb him when he was drawing. He had so little time to himself, it felt unreasonably selfish to intrude upon it. She could come back later, they were still at least a day out from their destination. She tried closing the door as quietly as possible.

“Too late, I see you.” He called without looking up.

“Keep working, I’ll come back later.”

He put the pad down defiantly and crossed his arms. “You can come back now.”

She rolled her eyes and came to sit on the edge of his bunk. 

“How did the big talk go with Bruce?”

“It was good, I think. But he said something that got me thinking.”

“I’m not wild about that sentence, Romanoff.”

He said it like a joke, but worry pricked at his spine none the less.

She silenced him with a sly smile and a tilt of her head. “Anyway, can I ask you something, just out of curiosity?”

“Anything.”

“When did this begin for you? You and me.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he considered the question. “I don’t know exactly when things started for me, it was all so gradual. And I spent a long time trying to convince myself I didn’t have feelings for you... But the moment where I realized this wasn’t going away for me was Sokovia.”

“Sokovia?”

“Right at the end. I said I wasn’t leaving any civilians behind and you said ‘I didn’t say we should leave. There’s worse ways to go, besides where else am I going to get a view like this?’ That’s when I accepted it. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you whether that was 5 minutes or 50 years.”

She tried to hide the grin breaking across her face, but it was like pouring water on a grease fire, all it did was spread. “You are such a dork, Rogers”

“Yeah, but you love me.” He whispered as he leaned in and kissed her hungrily. 

“That I do.” She murmured as they parted. He leaned back in the bunk making what little room he could for her to lay with him. She rested her head on his chest. For a moment neither of them spoke. All she could hear was the rhythmic hammering of his heart. The sound of home. 

“Now I’m curious. When did this start for you?”

She closed her eyes, basking in the gentle vibration of his voice resonating in hist ribcage.

“I’m pretty good at repressing-“

“You don’t say”

She smacked him playfully on the arm. “So it took me longer to admit to myself. So it started way before this, but the moment I stopped lying to myself was Bogota. The moment that building fell.”

 

\---  
_BOGOTA, COLOMBIA 2016_

“Is that everyone?”

“Redwing’s scans indicate all civilians have been cleared,” Sam confirmed.

“Just in time, too. At least three key support beams were badly damaged in the blast. We have maybe 2 minutes until the whole thing comes down.”

A small boy caught Steve’s eye. He couldn’t have been more than 7. He was sobbing and pointing up the building while and older woman, a grandmother perhaps, held him back. 

“Nat, get over here, I need a translation.” 

“He’s saying it’s his cat. His cat is on the 2nd floor.” 

“Sam, what do the scans say?”

“Yeah, looks like there’s something small moving on the 2nd floor, east side. But Steve you can’t-“

“Rogers, no. There isn’t time!”

But he was off. The building was unstable. She’d told him. She told him not to go back in, but he didn’t listen. He never did. That was Steve Rogers for you, charging full tilt into a crumbling building to rescue a cat. She was still screaming into the coms for him to get out of there when it all collapsed. 

She heard the air leave Sam’s lungs. She couldn’t recall making the decision, but her feet were carrying her full speed to the rubble. She heard a voice calling his name. It was such a strange and strangled cry it took a moment to realize the voice was her own. She dug through the rubble frantically. She would find him. He’d be fine. He had to be. He had to be.

“Natasha, slow down” She heard Sam say from somewhere to her left. She knew he was right, she should wait for a scan of the rubble and move slowly, pragmatically. She should, but she couldn’t. She glimpsed a small movement in her periphery. 

“Here! Sam, over here!” She called. He was by her side in an instant. They worked in tandem to clear the debris until Steve Rogers emerged covered in dust, a rather perturbed tabby clutched under his left arm. The remaining onlookers cheered as the child’s tears of grief were supplanted by those of gratitude. 

“You seem more taciturn than usual, Nat. Everything ok?” Steve asked once Sam took over as pilot a few hours into their flight. 

“You can’t do that.” She came to sit beside him, but refused to meet his gaze. 

“I can’t do what, call you taciturn or ignore instructions?” 

“I thought you were… You can’t die.” Her mask of unflappability firmly back in place, she turned to face him “That’s order, soldier.”

“Nat…” He reached for her hand and she flinched. “What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just a few scratches.”

“Let me see.” Her knuckles were rapidly turning violet, the parts of her fingers which hadn’t been covered by gloves had been scraped raw. She’d done this for him. She’d torn the flesh from her fingers searching for him in the rubble. Delicately, he wound his fingers around her wrists, careful not to touch the bruises blooming on her skin. His eyes locked on hers. He lifted her hands one at a time to his lips and planted a gentle kiss on each knuckle. Slowly. Methodically. Never breaking her gaze. 

Natasha felt a stinging sensation in her cheeks. She was blushing. Natasha Romanoff never blushed, but then she also never received this kind of _care_. Attention, sure, she had attention in spades, she was trained to attract it, but this? This was something else entirely. Something that made her face hot and her stomach do summersaults and her breath catch in her throat. 

“I’ll try to stay alive, if you will.” 

“Deal.” She leaned forward, she had every intention of kissing his cheek, but at the last second he turned slightly and she caught the corner of his mouth. They both giggled at the mistake, but instead of pulling back, Natasha stayed close. Waiting. Hoping. Steve didn’t move. He didn’t pull away or pull her towards him. He was still. Waiting. Hoping. So Natasha took the risk and kissed him flush on the lips. She didn’t give over completely, she made sure it was sweet and chaste enough that they both could convince themselves it didn’t mean what it did.

The sound of Sam clearing his throat from the cockpit broke them apart. “We’ll be landing in about an hour, if anyone’s wondering.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Notes: [Still](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeKaYbHMaFI) by AVEC
> 
> I'm very excited for the next chapter, it will include appearances by Valkyrie and Korg who are some of my absolute favorites to write dialogue for.
> 
> You can also find me over on tumblr at http://thirdsisfics.tumblr.com if you're so inclined


	3. I Forget Where We Were

“Hey man, we’re having a bit of social time. Would you be interested in something like that?” Korg asked, holding out a chair out for Steve. Valkyrie slid him a beer which he lifted in gratitude before taking a sip. 

“So you and Red, huh?” Tony raised his eyebrows almost to his hairline.

_Oh good_ He thought, _not only is this conversation happening, it’s happening with Bruce, Valkyrie, Rhodey, and Korg present._ The drink Valkyrie had given him was strong, but there wasn’t enough alcohol in the universe to make him comfortable being publicly interrogated about his love life. 

“Natasha’s blonde.” Valkyrie corrected.

“And we all know how much you like blondes, but I don’t think you’re Red’s type”

“I’m everyone’s type” She and Bruce high-fived without looking at each other.

Bruce leaned over to whisper, “She’s had red hair for most of the time we’ve known her, the blonde hair is new. She also used to be Russian and their color is red so it still kind of works. Tony speaks almost exclusively in nicknames.” 

“If you and the Goddess of Functional Alcoholism are done playing ‘previously on the Avengers’ I asked Captain Rogers a question and I, for one, would like an answer. So what’s the deal, Capsicle, you two crazy kids goin’ steady?”

“Cap, you don’t have to answer that. But if you don’t, we’re all going to assume it’s yes anyway,” Rhodey interjected.

“They’ve really got you trapped between a rock and a hard place,” Korg beamed, pouncing on the opportunity for a rock based pun and eliciting stifled chuckles from Bruce and Rhodey, an affectionate eye-roll from Valkyrie, and an exasperated groan from Tony. Steve sank in his chair. There really was no easy method of escape short of flinging himself out of an airlock. They’d all been trapped in this enclosed space for more than two weeks, he knew he should really be thankful that he’d managed to avoid the questions as long as he had. The table fell silent as they awaited his answer. 

Valkyrie drummed her fingers on the table impatiently. “Look, there’s no point in being shy. Natasha’s bunk and mine share a wall.” _Oh dear God, no._ “which, judging by the look on your face, you clearly thought was sound proof. It isn’t. Also, good for you.” She nodded in admiration and reached across the table to clink her bottle with his. Judging by the heat spreading across his face and neck, Steve knew he must be about the same shade of scarlet as Vision had been. The airlock would have been better. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Tony began clapping. 

“Rhodey, would you say this was the highlight of our interstellar road trip?”

“Oh, most definitely. The only thing that’s going to top this for me is burying that big purple bastard. Don’t worry, Cap, this look you’ve got on your face right here, will still be a close second.”

“Where’s our resident blue cyborg? I want someone to pain a fresco of this look.” 

Steve pushed his chair away from the table and stood up, causing Tony and Rhodey to temporarily cease their banter. “Well, this has been… this. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go be literally anywhere else.”

“Sit your ass back down, Rogers, I have more questions.” 

He looked around the table helplessly. There really wasn’t any point in running, the cat was out of the bag and he might as well deal with fallout. Tony and Rhodey’s faces lit up in glee as he accepted defeat and sank back into his chair. 

“Fine.” He sighed, “What do you want to know?” As much as he detested this interrogation, there was a sort of familiar comfort to be found in Tony’s teasing. After their falling out, after years of not speaking, their friendship was still here. Right where they’d left it. Perhaps it was the low steady hum of the ship’s machinery or the warm glow induced by the alien alcohol he was sipping on, but suddenly, being the butt of the joke seemed an utterly insignificant price to pay to hear his friends, old and new, laughing again. 

“How long have you two been together? Not that it matters, but Stark and I have opposing theories and you know how much I love proving Tony wrong.”

Bruce leaned forward at Rhodey’s question. He’d asked Natasha the same thing earlier, but he hadn’t gotten a straight answer. 

“I guess that depends on how you define ‘together’”

“Knocking boots! Because I think that’s why she switched teams over the Sokovia Accords. That’s it, right Cap?” Tony interjected.

“And _I_ think that’s way too sentimental for Nat and it’s more likely she switched teams because Tony’s not as charming as he thinks he is.”

“I’m not going to justify Nat’s reasons to you. She can speak for herself. But Rhodey wins the timeline debate, we weren’t sleeping together during the debate about the accords.”  
“That’s ridiculously vague, Capsicle. She’s really rubbing off on you. And speaking of rubbing- “

The table erupted into a chorus of “ew”s, “ugh no”s, and “come on, Tony”s. 

“It was after the accords fiasco. It’s not like I have marked on a calendar or anything. I forget exactly where we were. Somewhere in Europe. We were undercover posing as newlyweds investigating a real estate developer we suspected of being a HYDRA front.”

Everyone was leaning forward. They were expecting details. A little thrill shot down his spine. He secretly loved telling this story. He’d recounted it twice before. He told Sam first, right after they’d reconnected after the mission. Sam had done his touchdown dance upon hearing the news. He’d told Bucky the next time they visited Wakanda to check on him. The way his eyes lit up, it was the first time he looked like the old Bucky, like the roguish Brooklyn boy he used to be. The sweetness of the memories brought a bitter tang to his mouth. He’d get them back. He knew it. He had to. For now, he needed to focus. He needed to enjoy telling a story where once, just this once, nobody died. 

“So,” Valkyrie broke the silence, “What happened next?”

-  
They’d been under cover for days and there had been no progress. The house they were renting was falling apart. It wasn’t a sure sign of a HYDRA front, but it certainly felt criminal. It was 3pm on a Tuesday and for the first time since they’d gone into hiding, Natasha was bored. Then, like an answered prayer, she heard Steve stifling a curse downstairs. She changed into an old blue t-shirt and yoga pants she didn’t mind getting dirty and bounded down the staircase to help him with whatever appliance was currently acting up.

“God fu-“ He was fighting with kitchen sink and losing by the sound of it

“Language, Rogers”

“Sorry” he grunted “It just slipped out”

“Need a hand?”

“Need a wrench.”

She picked the appropriate tool from the box at his feet and handed to him. He tightened a valve out of her view before muttering “I think… got it” and sliding out from under the sink. She laughed and threw a towel at him. After drying his face and hands, he tested the faucet.

“We have running water” he beamed, turning the nob back off.  
“Hot and cold and everything?”

“Full range of temperatures!”

“I don’t know, Steve, I’m not accustomed to this kind of luxury” It was only half a joke. Life undercover hadn’t exactly been glamorous.

“Best not to get to used to it then” he said with a smile. _The_ smile. The only-visible-when-bantering-with-Natasha smile. Something in the air changed between them. Maybe it was the way the afternoon light was hitting him just right, or how his newly grown beard accentuated his jawline, or the way he looked in his dark grey T with the sleeves rolled up. Maybe it was everything, but Natasha couldn’t help herself. She leaned up and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Good work, soldier” She smiled, breathing in the scent of him. That’s what broke the dam. He smelled like open spaces, like salt, and earth, and a spice you couldn’t quite name. He smelled like warmth and home. Like Steve. Him. Just him. And then her fingers were hooked into the belt loops of his jeans, pulling him close. 

His eyes widened in surprise for only a fraction of a second. He didn’t need any coaxing, he wound his fingers into her hair and kissed her hard. She pressed her hands to his back and her lips parted for him eagerly. She nipped at his bottom lip sending electric shocks through his whole body. He moved his hands down to her hips, in one fluid motion he lifted her as she wrapped her legs around him. 

He had every intention of carrying her up the steps, but when she started kissing his neck, he had to pause, pressing her up against the kitchen wall. They shed their clothing and any pretext of being only friends there in the sun-drenched kitchen. They never made it up the stairs. 

-

“Hey man, that was good story. Sounds like you and Natasha share a very special connection.”

“Thanks, Korg.” Steve said raising his bottle in appreciation before taking a swig.

“I’m just working through a mix of emotions here, pride, surprise, more surprise, maybe just a touch of awe. But I just wanna-”

“Quit while you’re ahead, Stark.” Valkyrie interrupted before Tony could ask any follow up questions. Steve mouthed ‘thank you’ at her when Tony’s head was turned.

“I never quit, we’ve known each other how long now and you don’t know this about me? But, point taken, I will table this discussion… for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is a bit on the nose, I hope you'll forgive me. [I Forget Where We Were](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki5HBBEtfak) by Ben Howard
> 
> You can find me on tumblr[ here ](http://thirdsisfics.tumblr.com) if you're so inclined.


	4. You Gotta Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra special thanks to [MarvelousKyles](https://marvelouskyles.tumblr.com/) for being my beta reader!

Natasha relished this time. These brief moments of solitude. She loved her shipmates dearly, but now and again she needed time to breath, to think. She felt a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she realized that if she and Steve made it through this battle, their days of solitude were numbered. While the kids were little, Laura had hardly been able to go to the bathroom alone. The memory jolted her like the shock of a widow’s bite. Laura. The kids. It never got easier to think about. She told herself that was a good thing, that the memories of what they’d lost would fuel them in the battle ahead. They wouldn’t lose this time. They couldn’t. 

She let a hand fall to her abdomen. “Hey there, tiniest avenger,” She grinned hearing herself use the nickname Thor (the only person besides Steve who knew about the pregnancy) had chosen. It sounded silly, but it also sounded _right_. “I’m not a doctor or a philosopher and I haven’t exactly read the parenting books, so I don’t know where you are in your development. I don’t know whether life begins at the first breath or the first heartbeat or somewhere in between. I don’t know if it’s too early to talk to you, so I’m going to do it anyway. First, I want you to know that though you weren’t planned, you are wanted. Never doubt that. Your dad is thrilled. I don’t have it in me to be excited yet, but I’m thankful. I’m thankful to have you as long as I do, even if we don’t make it through this. And I’m hopeful. I haven’t been that in a long time. I hope I get to meet you. To see who you grow up to be. I hope I get to be your mom. 

And now, I need to ask you a favor, Tiniest Avenger. It’s not fair, and I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to worry about any of this. Your only concern right now should be growing lungs. But I need you to be strong. I need you to be a warrior. Just for now. I’m going to do my best to keep you safe, but I need you to fight like hell to stay alive because I want see your face. I want to hear your voice. I want to hold you in my arms. If we make it through this battle, you can be anything you want to be. Just be a warrior for now. Ok? Ok.”

Hope was a dangerous thing for a woman like Natasha Romanoff. She had a lifetime of experience to attest to that fact. But Natasha had also spent a lifetime doing backflips into danger. So she decided to risk it. So she took her hope and cloaked herself in it like armor. The final battle was coming and Natasha Romanoff was _ready_.

\--

The thrum of voices pulled Natasha to the common area. Everyone else had already gathered. Everyone. Tony, Rhodey, Valkyrie, Carol, Steve, Rocket, Bruce, Korg, Scott, Thor, even Nebula and Clint had made an appearance. He was smiling. Clint Barton was actually smiling. It was a small, fragile thing, but unmistakably there. On some level Natasha knew she had been holding her breath since she’d found Clint in Japan operating as the Ronin, when she'd looked into her best friend’s eyes and a stranger stared back at her. But then here he was, exchanging war stories with a talking raccoon, and sounding like himself for the first time since they lost the war.

“Hey Nat! Pull up a chair." Scott paused realizing there were officially more beings in the common room than there were objects designed for sitting. “Or can someone scooch over?”

She walked over to where Steve was seated next to Thor. She expected him to gallantly make enough room for her to perch on the edge of his chair. Instead He grabbed her by the hips and sat her on his lap. Natasha quirked her head at him in mild surprise. She didn’t mind, though they normally refrained from public displays of affection. However if there was ever a case for PDA, the night before the final battle would certainly be it.

“Been drinking?” She murmured.

“Within reason,” Steve grinned. She wondered if that grin would ever stop reducing her insides to molten metal. She hoped not. She felt as though she could forge 1000 Asgardian weapons with the fire he lit in her. Natasha wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as possible.

“Speaking of drinking,” Valkyrie interrupted her reverie. Evidently, her question to Steve had been louder than she'd intended, “Here, catch up.” The Asgardian warrior slid a bottle down Natasha’s way only for Thor to snatch it up in a flash. “What the Hel, Thor?”

“Mine was empty.” He shrugged. Nat expertly hid her amusement. It was sweet that Thor was trying to save her from having to turn down the offer of alcohol. Extremely clumsy, but sweet. Valkyrie fixed Thor with an accusatory glare and Natasha knew she’d better step in before he started babbling.

“It’s fine, I’m not drinking tonight. I don’t have godlike metabolism so I like to keep a clear head on the nights before big fights. I can battle Thanos or a hangover, not both.”

“That’s a good point, we should all take it pretty easy tonight.” Bruce offered.

Tony took a big swig of something akin to scotch before saying, “I feel like that was directed at me and I have a rebuttal, if I may.” He cleared his throat dramatically. “Bite me, Jolly Green Giant.” A laugh spread through the group as Bruce threw up his hands in submission. Natasha wanted to savor this moment. She breathed in every detail. The sound of Thor’s booming laugh, a thunderous thing born of a thousand years of celebratory feasts in great halls and tavern revels, bouncing off the ships metal walls. The sight of Nebula’s two toned blue face contorted in an expression of reluctant mirth. The smell of booze, stale crackers, and recycled air. The feeling of Steve under her, one hand on his drink, the other on her hip. His cheek resting against her shoulder. So casually. As if Captain America and the Black Widow had always been together. As if there was no other way to be.

Carol surveyed the room and slowly raised her drink, “To the ones we’re fighting for. To all the reasons failure isn’t an option. To the names, faces, and memories that keep us strong. To the ones we’re getting back.”  


“To the ones we’re getting back!” The group echoed. As quickly as it had fallen over them, the reverence dissipated, replaced by quips, banter, and in Rocket’s case, the sound of noisy chewing. 

 

Natasha Romanoff didn’t believe in miracles, but if she did, she might have thought she was witnessing one up close. If she believed in them even a little, she might have thought this was the second of the trip. If she believed just a fraction more, she might let herself hope to see a third. _Miracles always come in threes_ , she’d think, if she believed in that kind of thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree because Captain Marvel has me listening to throwback bops. 
> 
> Again huge thanks to [MarvelousKyles](https://marvelouskyles.tumblr.com/) for being my beta reader! Deepest apologies for all the edit notes I refused to take. 
> 
> That's it for this work, but there are at least two more works planned for the series. I'm hoping to have the series finished before Endgame comes out in April and renders everything canon divergent.  
> I hope you'll join me for the next work, "Somedays" in which we come face to face with everyone's least favorite purple titan. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [ here ](https://thirdsisfics.tumblr.com/) if you're so inclined.


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